The first time I ever came to Scotland was January 2017. I went on a little trip with my mom and it was magical. We went to Edinburgh it was just after Christmas, it was still snowy. I immediately fell in love with the place and just knew I wanted to live here.

Coincidently I made a friend called Hamish who was from Limerick my home town but now lived in Edinburgh for University. Over the next few years I’d visit countless times as I had a friend to stay with. I think I visited Edinburgh at least 2/3 times a year. Every time I was just as sure that this is where I wanted to live.

Things seemed to align to the point where I had absolutely no commitments or anything stopping me from moving so that was it I booked a one way Ryanair flight from Dublin to Edinburgh.

I saved very little money which in hindsight I wish I had saved more. Luckily Hamish’s roommate was gone for the summer so the room was free to rent. I had enough for a few weeks rent, I didn’t know how any of the move was going to go. I printed off 29 CV’s. I didn’t have a going away party because I told everyone “I could be back in 2 weeks if I don’t find a job”. I literally came to Edinburgh with 2 weeks worth of rent and a bunch of CV’s hoping for the best. If it didn’t work out it’s grand I could just hop on a Ryanair flight home with a sense of at least I tried.

I had been in Scotland a week and I had about 5 possible job opportunities, 3 reception jobs, 1 bar and 1 makeup counter. Naturally I went with the job that paid the most, with the best hours and I liked the most.

I didn’t take into account that I would only be paid monthly so it has been a bit of a struggle financially because I should have saved more but I am surviving. Asda branded food has been my life saver this past month.

Its only been a month but there are pro’s and con’s:

I do miss my family and friends a lot. I miss my car and my beautiful house.

I however love Scotland, love being independent and totally reliant on myself. I love how much there is to do here. I love how I don’t see everyone I’ve ever met while walking down the street. I love my new job.

I’m torn constantly between the comforts and love of home and the new and exciting parts of being in Edinburgh.

I have applied to do an Interior Design course starting in September back home and I am seriously in two minds about it. I don’t know if I want to go back home and pursue that or stay here.

I love my job but I don’t think it would be fulfilling enough for the rest of my life. I love Scotland and Edinburgh and I do want to be here and have a home here. At the moment everything is so conflicting. I don’t want to make a decision just yet but I also hate not having a plan because then it feels like I’m just floating about not doing anything worthwhile.

I have really bad anxiety when it comes to thinking about the future and what my next step is because i can’t stand uncertainty. I would usually rely on my parents and friends wisdom for these things but I’m not at home so I haven’t been able to get proper comfort or advice. I’ve been doing a lot of meditation, reading affirmations, keeping myself busy (which isn’t hard when you have a new full time job) to distract myself but I am finding it difficult everyday trying to decide what the best thing to do is when September comes around. I overthink and analyse everything.

Will I stay in the place I love with a great job away from family and home? Or will I go home to family, and things I also love and pursue other dreams and then come back to Scotland after? I have no idea.

Thankfully I’m just one of many people on this planet that haven’t a clue what to do with their lives at present. I just have to keep on moving forward until the answer eventually comes to me.

Until then I will be doing my very best to enjoy the moment!

– Bri x

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